It is strange, as I sit before my computer, no lights on but that the computer casts across the keyboard. I've mountains of things that I should do, not to mention sleep that I should be catching up on. I have calls to make, appearances to make. I've to finish working on my latest masterpiece of mischief and call upon the tigress for a thought. But as I sit here, I am keenly aware of how silent my apartment has become, outside of the music filtering through my headphones. Turning down the music only heightens the stretch of silence. It is indeed a strange thing.
It is as if the city holds its breath for something, or perhaps, it has settled down to sleep and await the morn while ones that cannot enjoy that luxury long for it. I envy the city, alive and vibrant at one moment, but also silent and slumbering at the same moment. I envy the night. Dark and soft and free.
It strikes me that I am wanting noise. Wanting to move -- no. Not to move, for I am quite comfortable in my chair, though the air grows cold. I want to speak. Not to myself like one they would consider insane, but to someone else. I wish not call the doctor, and I am reluctant to bother the tigress so late, and the king deserves his rest after dealing with us girls so much..
But I am left to feel that I am well and truly abandoned. In a sense. I am on my own tonight, though I find I have no desire to be so. I do not have the energy to work, and the mountains of it do not keep me warm. Perhaps sleep is the answer. But my bed is large and cold when it is empty.
Were things different, and were I back in New York, months ago, it would not be this way. I would be distracted from working, yes, but it would not be by the silence. Dominic would find ways to coax my attention to more pleasant pursuits. And I would gladly follow to bandish the lonely feeling. But, obviously, this is not there, nor is now then. I am not the girl I was months ago when I was young and new to the sense of the cat. And Dominic is not here any longer. His time is over. Our time is over. It strikes me that I have released him from my thoughts a long time ago, for he rarely resides there now, but it is funny that he intrudes tonight, teasing my senses with memories, in his way. I am tempted to call the king all the more. But I won't. My phone will remain silent, because strangely, the feeling is almost comforting.
Tonight, I am well and truly alone. But I will not be tomorrow.
Current Mood: |
 lonely |
Current Music: |
Complete and utter silence. |
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marakaraka's journal
lazy
pissed off
contemplative
content
restless
exhausted
complacent
bouncy