.. She of the Speckled Eyes ..

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 16:28:32 GMT

On location in Australia!

It's amazing here. Funny that it's like.. 68 degrees in Sydney, which shouldn't be too much different from what it is at home. ..No, it's only about 53 there. Gotta love the weather channel.

We're out on the beach again, in the freezing water - or at least I think it is. I'm so used to the California waves, I'm not even trying to adapt that quickly. But I am thinking about learning to surf!

There're some hot guys here that are offering at every turn. Why shouldn't I try?

I was so glad to be home when I did, although I know I was such a bitch at the Exotic Erotic Ball. I knew I looked good. I worked it, and that costume was .. purr-worthy. I love attention, though I know it chaffed at the white one's patience. My little kittens that followed, my men dressed as my lion and my jaguar.. they played the parts so well. Who would have ever known that they were exactly what they dressed up as? My feline bodyguards from New York, my fellow models, my protective friends. Yes, they have been infected such as I, they have endured hiding it as much as I. My Keith, my Mario. They have been a joy, to keep me sane in this mass hectic time, though I certainly do chomp at the bit about being watched again.

I miss my tigers, the King and the Second. The Acting Queen now, I suppose. She will do well to represent us, though she has no subjects. My poor Micky.

Ah, I'm off to another time in front of the camera. La, swimsuits in cold water! I am glad that I am getting paid for this!

The night..

Tue, 27 Feb 2007 07:45:33 GMT

It is strange, as I sit before my computer, no lights on but that the computer casts across the keyboard. I've mountains of things that I should do, not to mention sleep that I should be catching up on. I have calls to make, appearances to make. I've to finish working on my latest masterpiece of mischief and call upon the tigress for a thought. But as I sit here, I am keenly aware of how silent my apartment has become, outside of the music filtering through my headphones. Turning down the music only heightens the stretch of silence. It is indeed a strange thing.

It is as if the city holds its breath for something, or perhaps, it has settled down to sleep and await the morn while ones that cannot enjoy that luxury long for it. I envy the city, alive and vibrant at one moment, but also silent and slumbering at the same moment. I envy the night. Dark and soft and free.

It strikes me that I am wanting noise. Wanting to move -- no. Not to move, for I am quite comfortable in my chair, though the air grows cold. I want to speak. Not to myself like one they would consider insane, but to someone else. I wish not call the doctor, and I am reluctant to bother the tigress so late, and the king deserves his rest after dealing with us girls so much..

But I am left to feel that I am well and truly abandoned. In a sense. I am on my own tonight, though I find I have no desire to be so. I do not have the energy to work, and the mountains of it do not keep me warm. Perhaps sleep is the answer. But my bed is large and cold when it is empty.

Were things different, and were I back in New York, months ago, it would not be this way. I would be distracted from working, yes, but it would not be by the silence. Dominic would find ways to coax my attention to more pleasant pursuits. And I would gladly follow to bandish the lonely feeling. But, obviously, this is not there, nor is now then. I am not the girl I was months ago when I was young and new to the sense of the cat. And Dominic is not here any longer. His time is over. Our time is over. It strikes me that I have released him from my thoughts a long time ago, for he rarely resides there now, but it is funny that he intrudes tonight, teasing my senses with memories, in his way. I am tempted to call the king all the more. But I won't. My phone will remain silent, because strangely, the feeling is almost comforting.

Tonight, I am well and truly alone. But I will not be tomorrow.

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 16:48:28 GMT

Well, I have a journal. Haven't written in it. But perhaps this will help me keep better track of my life. I doubt it, as there is so much going on every minute of every day, but hey.. one can hope, yes? Work, work, work. Play play, play, family, family, friends.

The white one is a gem, though there is something that should make a person look twice. Too experienced? I have never heard anything so preposterous.

The doctor is coming out of her shell, and none too soon. The others are helping her well not. And I suppose that I have not been the biggest help. But then, when one is on as rigorous a schedule as I have been on lately, then they don't usually have a free moment to socialize as much as they would wish.

The king.. Well, he is what he is. A king. What can one say for him other than that? We finally made our schedules work a few days ago. And thank God for that. I needed that.. talk.

So, work is fine. Fine, fine, fine. The latest photos are in prep to go into print.. and the shoot on that island was heaven. Warmth! Sun! Sand!

This reminds me. I need new sandals.

Sun, 08 Oct 2006 00:25:28 GMT

Cut for language and length. Ranting and mostly internal, as Mara usually is, so skip if you can't take it. You are warned.

Friday, October 6, 2006

What the fuck. What the motherfucking hell. How could I be so fucking careless? I let those bloody fuckers kill my family. They should have never even gotten close! I can't fucking believe this! This is not happening. This cannot be happening!

We were just coming out of a matinee of the new movie Open Season.. Having such a good time. Then those fuckers appeared and started shooting. And I let it fucking happen. Shit! Sho says they wouldn't blame me. That I did my best. I have to agree with him to keep him from worrying. I hate to see him worry. But he's wrong. I didn't do my best. I didn't even come close to it. I stepped in the way, tried to block some of the shots.. to get them away from the firing. I got hit. Jonas got hit. It was silver, and it burned.. But it shouldn't have kept me from at least ripping one of the prick's heads off. They used white phosphorous with the silver. And fuck, it burned.. It hit Zane and Mari.. And they died. They knew they would, perhaps.. because they were sharing a last kiss when I saw them last. They went together into death, letting each other know that they were loved.

And I couldn't do anything to stop it. I was out for who knows how many hours! And I couldn't help the pack.

Yes, I could have. I could have tried harder. I know I could have.

I guess it really was Open Season. On us. Motherfucking hell.

Yeah, Dom. I know what you'd say. 'Ah, Marakaraka, this is fine language for a supermodel to speak..'

Shut the fuck up, Dom.

And now I've got the whole pack dropped into my lap. Fuck. I'm only the bodyguard and enforcer. I'm not Ulfric material. But Scott and Waylon left. David was killed. Zane and Maricela were killed. Casey's not strong enough, much as I love my scrappy little friend. Peter's gone, Morgan's gone, Jaime's helping.. Patrick, too. Lara, too. I need to talk to her. I can't tell Sho.. not yet. I'll tell him later.. He'll find out.

I have to speak with Ginessa. And Sawyer.

And the Ulfric and Lupa of New York.. see if they can spare a few wolves. Zack, Melena, Blake.. Cody.
Memphis.. London.. Baton Rouge. Milan, Rome. Los Angeles, Las Vegas. I've been there, made friends. If I asked, some would come..

Not until I've made my decision.

Grace and Paint are here. They stay until Sunday.. I'm so damned glad to have them back.. But would that it would have been for a happier reason.

'I told you so, pet..' Shut the fuck up, Dominic! You sid I wouldn't be alpha, that I wouldn't hold rank.

I'm alpha. I'm Skoll.. And I'm as good as .. Ulfric. Shit. Fucking hell.

God, we're screwed.

Reflections from the Bayview.

Thu, 31 Aug 2006 22:15:44 GMT

David.
Brigid.
Kira.
Daine.

One leader was confirmed.
One challenger was killed.
Four wolves were lost.
More fled, followers of the challenger.

Two friend, one love and pup, one sister. All will be seriously missed. Kira and I were bound by blood before the Challenge, and I will keep my promise to her, to protect. To Serve and Protect. I sound like a damn cop.

I've staked out in my old apartment.. what I've kept for a 'studio' and office. It's where my public address and all is. My agent comes there when we need to meet privately, and I still do shoots there when we need a certain look. I've been just vegging for a few days, taking up by camera again, working with my favorite fashion photographer to get back into the game. Maybe I will, maybe I won't. Probably not, since I'm juggling so much at the moment. Model, actress, celebrity, friend, daughter, lover, tease, student, bodyguard, Hati-now-Skoll, alpha, wolf. Add photographer to that lot. And painter. And collector.

Damn, I need a personal assistant.

I've got to finish studying, and go see Louisa, while keeping quiet about it. But then I'm always quiet about things. Am I really that hard to read? Jonas thinks so, but I don't get that from the photographers.. Must be that whole 'public face' and 'private face' thing again. The psychologists would have fun with me, I think.

Speaking of the photographers, I have a shoot in an hour.. Joy. For the first time in a while, I really just want to sleep in, since I only get - what, five hours of sleep, max? Here's the typical workday:

Up at four.
Run ten miles - twenty, if I'm feeling good.
Security check.
Breakfast - if I'm lucky enough not to be rushed off to a shoot or some disaster.
Makeup/hair/clothes/tests/shooting in the case of a shooting day.
Break for lunch.
More of the same.
Check in with the wolves, security offices at the mansion and the apartments. Secure the perimeter, you might say.. I've been watching too many movies. I blame my father.
Shopping! Maybe. If not, socializing, then working out at the gym.
Firing range practice with Jonas.
Socializing.
Studying.
Swimming.
Security check. Sensing a pattern here?
Dinner - usually out with the agent, or Jonas, or the wolves.
Catching up on miscellaneous things.
Walking in the woods, reading, carving, painting.. Relaxing. Unwinding.
Late in the night - bed.

Yeah, that's not half of it, and it excludes dates and pack business. But it's still a mouthful, eh? That reminds me, I still have to give Trinity her present. When she gets back from Texas maybe.

I feel like I'm missing something. Oh, yes. I had my fourth cub for.. how long was it? All of two weeks? Two and a half? Silvere. Been a wolf about eight months, infected by a guy, and then found in a park when I was running with Mari, Jonas, and Hawke. Nice girl, very pretty - just proves my point once again. The pretty folks get infected. One more point for my theory, right, Zane? She got into trouble, and I had to get her out some. So now I'm still waiting on punishment for letting her out of my sight and letting her get into trouble. My cub, my responsibility. Tuesday, Sho, Lee. Sho was entirely my doing though. I'm thinking of taking a break from sponsoring. Rankers usually don't have the time anyway.

Need to do:
Get back to 'training' sessions with my instructor. Slacked off of those for more.. enjoyable pursuits.
Check those damn cameras on the fifth floor fire escape. One keeps wigging out. Might need Lara's help, if it's the connection from the camera to the monitors.
Work on the motorcycle. Haven't ridden in a while, and it needs some work.
Reflect more. Relax more. I'm tense lately. It's coming across in my photoshoots. The photographers don't like it, y'know.

Spoke to Selena last night. She's doing well, working hard. She met a nice wolf from Washington, and now they're dating. Zack, I think his name is. Sometimes I miss the faster pace of New York. Not that this isn't a crazy city.

But then, anywhere else, you won't get to have this level of entertainment and socialization with this 'family' and these friends and all that. I think I'll stay right here for a while.

The camera awaits..

Thu, 29 Jun 2006 21:41:32 GMT

So much for a weekly update. I'm late, again.

To do:
Done:
- Meet Kazimir. I get conflicting reviews of him, but since when do I make my own deductions off of another's views?
Done. Sortof. He was cutting the grass in front of Daine's place. Then we got pulled to watch him bare his throat to Waylon. Hm. Nothing else on the matter yet.

- Meet Heather. See how she's settling in.
Haven't talked to her, sidetracked by Waylon and Kazimir. She's helping Kayleigh. That's about all I know.

- Check in on Maricela, see how she's doing.
Met up with her for a walk, got sidetracked. She's strong - I knew that. Strong as Zane, or near it. Need to talk to her, still. She's also freshly made Lupa. Not too bad, so far. I haven't seen Zane smile in a while.

- Check things out with Morgan, Hatiwise.
Got as much as I'm going to get. He got shipped off to Oregon a while ago. Going to miss that wolf.

- Track down Damon for a spar.
Done this morning. Needed ice for my knee.

Not done:
- Assessment match with Waylon. See where our strengths and our weaknesses are.
Waylon lost to Kira as Skoll. See what we can do in the way of finding our strengths, between the two of us, Kira and myself, anyway.

- Track down David, see how he's doing and if there's anything else that we need to know.

- Track down Zane when he comes back, see if there's anything he'd like to add. What he has lined up that we need to know of.
He's home. Has been for a while. Had a ranker meeting with all of us a while ago. Didn't say anything. Damnit.

- Track down Hawke for a trip to the firing range.

- Review my books, see what else I need.
Not done. Got through two shelves in too many days. Have more. Went shopping again, and need to get t

- Training. Seems all I'm doing these days is training, working, and moving around with the others. My 'teacher' has a mean punch, but I did ask for him to help.

Spoke with people, Zane, Waylon, Maricela, Nahele, Faith.. Des, Kama. We need to get out more, as Pack. I suggested a beach or pool party. Swim races, and now I've got one with Nahele. Of course, his challenge got a jalapeno chip stuck into his mouth. Tsk. He was freaking out and squawking while he looked for bread and milk to cool down his mouth. Poor wolf. Begged a kiss and almost got him again. He didn't give in. Damn. Zane liked the chips, wanted a few bags for Mari to feed him with. He pulled our new Lupa down to his apartment to introduce her to his hot sauce, I suppose. Poor Mari. Note to self, go shopping again soon.

There was a good old-fashioned fight at the bar where Mari, Des, and I were hanging out. Ugly giant of a man was about to get into a fight with Mark, Gabriel's servant. Needless to say, we all got out of there with only Des getting a cut on her hand. Was good fun though.

I got caught by Jonas this morning, going over my books. Barged right in while I was studying. Need to lock my door more often, I suppose. But now he won't stop following me, closer than ever.

Updating, very soon, since I can't remember anything else right now. I need a walk.

Thu, 15 Jun 2006 17:45:13 GMT

Need to catch up. Really, really do. Daily entries, perhaps. Biweekly, maybe. Wouldn't be that much to say, really.

June 7th.

Called Louisa, met in the library of the mansion that morning. Challenged her dominance, and she submitted without contest. Really a wonderful woman.

Studied. Again. I hate studying. Had a photo shoot on the beach again, splashing through the water and having a great time with the other models. Swimsuits. Bikinis, sarongs. Not bad for tanning.

Dinner with Jonas and my agent. Says he's lined up a few new sessions with some photographers I've worked with for a while.

June 8th.

Went out with Nahele. Yes, after he tried to teach me to wolfhop.. err, foxtrot. Don't think I'll be going trotting anytime soon. Anyway! We went bowling. Loser bought dinner. No blacked out teeth or eye glitter, unfortunately. The eye glitter, not the blacked out teeth. He'd tried to get me to do that so we wouldn't be bugged by reporters. I said I would consider it - laughingly! - only on the condition that he wear the glitter, so he would be recognized by the reporters.

He bought dinner.

June 9th.

Called Damon and met him in the mansion gym early that morning. He wouldn't submit, so we got to it. Hand to hand, to submission. Whipped him and broke his nose and his foot. Needless to say, he submitted. Shifted and healed. I swam to cool off.

Essentially, now I am top beta, as I wanted.

(OOC note: Challenges won off-camera and approved by staff.)

June 15, morning.

I can fix that issue Kira asked me about with ease. It's only a matter of making things look like they always were.. and it'll be a very good day, when it's all done.

In other cryptic news.. Well, there really is no more cryptic news. We got Kayleigh back, a while ago. We've also brought the sister Kerry, another wolf Heather.. and Kazimir, one of the rankers and one of the tormentors. David gave him protection. Haven't met him really yet, so I'll have to reserve judgment until then. Still. Haven't met Heather either.

Kayleigh was acting scared and reluctant to come near us, the first time I saw her after we brought them back. Then the next, on my birthday, she seemed a little better. Said Kama brought her the injured Dalmatian that she helped roam in. Spots, that was the name.

Yes, Monday was my birthday. A whole year older, a whole year wiser. Isn't that what they say? Probably not. Morgan gave me a necklace, a tiny delicate gold chain with a ruby heart gem dangling from it. Very pretty. Daine got a little creative. Have to love her for it.

----------------------------------------------------------------

Delivered to your door, will be a singing telegram. Two rather naughtily dressed dancers, who will sing Happy Birthday in a rather entertaining way. They will leave you with a gift and a card.

The gift is a dress, a rather elegant dress of bright red silk, that will likely fit you perfectly. Sleeveless, halter style, adorned with rhinestones along the neckline and the skirt's hemline. Also included in the box is a stuffed teddy bear of pure white. So soft and plush and adorable, and the bear has blue speckled eyes. The notecard inside reads:

Happy Birthday Mara. I hope you have a lovely one. Please know how much you mean to me, and how blessed I am to have you in my life. Enjoy your special day. Go somewhere nice, where you can dress up.

Love Daine

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Monday morning, at both the penthouse, and the Mansion kitchen, there will be a cake placed. One is done in blue frosting, the other is done in purple frosting. Each one says the same thing upon it.

Happy Birthday Marakaraka

There are no candles on it, and there is no card, only the cakes placed where they will be easily found.

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Doing some redecorating.. shifting books, cases. Need a different feel. Can't study so easily without the right.. feel. Not much further to go, either. End of the summer, maybe. I'm being cryptic again, and not even Jonas knows my reasoning. Back to the catwalk.

To do:
- Meet Kazimir. I get conflicting reviews of him, but since when do I make my own deductions off of another's views?
- Meet Heather. See how she's settling in.
- Check in on Maricela, see how she's doing.
- Review my books, see what else I need.
- Track down Damon for a spar.
- Track down Hawke for a trip to the firing range.
- Track down David, see how he's doing and if there's anything else that we need to know.
- Do the same with Morgan.
- Track down Zane when he comes back, see if there's anything he'd like to add. What he has lined up that we need to know of.
- Assessment match with Waylon. See where our strengths and our weaknesses are.
- Training. Seems all I'm doing these days is training, working, and moving around with the others.

Speaking of matches, Morgan stepped down, and with Elissa gone, it's left both positions wide open, like a jeweled goblet with some of the jewels pried out of it, just waiting to be tilted by a drinker to spill the contents down their shirtfront.. Watched Road to Morocco last night. Bing Crosby and Bob Hope. Ahem, back to those positions.. Waylon's taken one, Skoll, and I the other, Hati, as of the night of Tuesday the 13th. Kira's looking real hard at taking his. It was a possibility when Waylon took the job, that someone would challenge. He knew it. I knew it.

And all of a sudden, I'm dog tired. A nap, maybe, then it's off to get ready for another session. Then to see who's doing what.

I need a pillow. Where's Jonas? Hmm..

Just another day in Paradise..

Tue, 30 May 2006 02:13:05 GMT

Back from the camping trip, and we find that our people have been kidnapped. Again. They'd been found and brought back. Okay. That's fine. I'm so very glad that they're back. But now another is missing. Has been since the day we returned. Apparently Kayleigh's sister was kidnapped, and they sent Kay a picture of her, bound and gagged. Maybe saying that if she comes back, they'll let her sister go. Kay went after her, and God knows what they're doing to her now. I have a few ideas.

It's typical, though isn't it? Just back from the camping trip that we went on to try to keep Kayleigh from being taken, and she's gone the day we get back. Murphy's Law or something. Anything that can go wrong, will. Especially when you really, really don't want it to. It's feeling too much like the situation with Texas, and I'm not quite ready to don my cowboy hat yet. But just one word, and I'll break it out along with the spurs.

Jonas.. He's starting to get annoyed with me. I've been crashing with him since we got back and then found out that Kay was gone, so we can be ready at a moment's notice, without someone having to waste the time waiting on me to get somewhere. Now he's hinting not-so-subtly that my getting up so early, amongst other things, is annoying the hell out of him. Good. I've been considering talking to Scott about an apartment anyway. I'd have a place to be closer to the wolves and the cubs. It is still ridiculous to be all together in this one building, literally on top of one another, but if that's the way it's going, we have to adapt.

Fighting. I've been training more than before. Running five miles every morning to warm up for a fifteen mile hike. Used to only run ten, no hiking. Upped it slowly, a little more every day. Left Jonas behind, since he couldn't keep up. Distroyed at least two of the sandbags. Went up against with Jayne with staves. He fights well and has a powerful kick. He's also a good sport. I'm glad he's here to help guard the rest of the pack. Also went against Morgan last night after he almost went off on someone, in front of Faith, who really, really doesn't been to see things like that, especially from a male. Not right now. Calmed him down in my own way, and then made him fight in case he had any intention of going anywhere else to do so. I also kicked his butt. He loses well. Had me limping for a while, but it's stopped about now.

Cubs. Kayleigh, gone. Going to get her back. Have my knife ready. Working on arrows in my free time. She's probably going to be terrified when she comes back. Hopefully Waylon won't try what he did with Des, with Kay, if she were to snap at him. Kama.. Kama, Kama, Kama. After Waylon's outburst, I don't know what to think. I know she needs someone to talk to. I hope she can talk to Brigid, but if not, Daine and I both are here for her and the rest of the cubs. Desdemona.. My own cub. She was beaten up, smacked around in a 'disciplining' that the Ulfric, the Freki, and the Hati allowed and witnessed. For backtalking. I'll admit, she shouldn't have, but the circumstances are difficult. They all came in after I'd been in the gym all day, after a spar with Jayne. And distroying another sandbag. So needless to say, I was less than ready for people to come in, much less for a lesson for my cub.

The 'insult', and I'm quoting this heavily, that he made against Grace and myself, Daine, and Nahele, and Zane, and everyone doesn't match what he did when she was trying to beg forgiveness. She was on her knees in apology.. granted, to the wrong wolf, to Zane instead of him, but Waylon did not have to hit her so hard. Made us so pissed off that I and Morgan almost came forward, if Zane hadn't thrown him across the gym. Both went to the infirmary, Des and Waylon. Waylon with what looked like a broken arm, and Des had too many internal breaks to remember. I'm still pissed, but it's better now. I'm not aching to break someone's neck anymore. I'm saving that energy for the trip.

Which Morgan is letting Kama go in on. Kira apparently allowed it, too! Zane.. 'knows' about it. Gah. Heaven only knows how Brigid's taking that. But the bruise on Morgan's mug is a good indication. Daine was pissed since she hadn't been told, and since it's one of her cubs. I'm not exactly thrilled.. scratch that. I'm seriously not happy with that, but maybe she'll be okay, if she's allowed to go and stays under guard and in the plane. Maybe.

There're so many 'maybe's and 'likely's and 'probably's. Would that I could provide definites. But would and wishing can't do a damn thing.

What the hell's wrong with me?

Wed, 17 May 2006 21:13:23 GMT

What in the bloody hell is wrong with me? I almost snapped at Morgan when he misinterpreted what I said about this new wolf coming in. Whichever way they want to say his name.

A few words, and we're smiling again. It was the same with Nahele, his annoyance with me, then a smile after a few words. I'm not sure what is going on, whether it's diplomacy or they're getting indulgent with me. What, because I'm a bit of a spoiled brat and 'know no better' than that? Or just so unintimidating that I'm not a bother with anything? Agh! Note to self, replace the vase by the door.

I put off challenging until after the moon. I've put off the convergence on the bar until after the moon. I'm sure Patrick loves that fact, that I have been sketchy on the dates. But with him coming, I really can't make it on Friday or Saturday like I planned, now can I? Maybe that's my problem, being so sketchy. Or too silly and not enough seriousness. Anyway, I set up Tatum feeling out talent for that night. Ginessa, I haven't talked to yet, really. Or remember if I have. Suppose I never was much of a planner. Note to self, talk to Gin soon.

I do, however, know who I want to help me train for this, like Jonas's been doing. Someone might not like my choice, but I don't care. His style of fighting doesn't bother me, since I know that with him around, I'll -learn- something, like I already have. Maybe I won't get my ass kicked so badly like I almost did with Kira. Alpha or not, I was still off that night. Must try harder. Already bloodied Jonas' nose enough that he's wary of being around me in the gym. Note to self, raise his salary.

Daddy's in China now, working on his new movie. Casting again. It will be his director/producer debut. Mama's dabbling in perfume and business, so there're likely going to be a new line on the way. My movie comes out on the second of June, a scant ten days before my birthday. Am I nervous about it? Of course. I've done modeling for years. This's the big screen. Note to self, go shopping soon. Maybe drag Grace along. Daine, Kira, Brigid. Need to get to know Brigid better.

Just back from a modeling session on the beach. Bikini, sarong, sandals. For the past six hours. I have two more soon. And I need to take a look at my motorcycle. Mud's encrusted the wheels. Sacrilege, that.

Note to self, stop making notes to myself. It sounds silly when I read over it again.

Wed, 03 May 2006 16:54:23 GMT

So much has happened since the last time I updated this thing, but of course there's nothing that I remember.. or want to remember at the moment.

Okay, so I lied. There're a few things I'd rather say than not, but even then, I'd rather them not be down where someone could find them. Even Jonas, the snoop that he's becoming. Suppose I'll erase it later. Maybe not.

To do:
1. Check on Desdemona. I haven't heard anything new about her.
2. Check on Tatum and Dakota. See how they're doing, if they've found jobs yet. I'm a beta contact, and all.
3. Clubbing with the girls. They need another night to themselves.
4. Check on Jayne, Waylon, Robi, Reggie, Alton, Kama.. everyone else I haven't seen lately.
5. Pub night party. Next Friday? Next Saturday? Been putting it off a while.
6. Check on Arabesque, see how she's settling in. Haven't seen her sense the Asian Art Museum.
7. Autographed Playboy for Desdemona. Should get a few more of those, just because.
8. Get whipped cream. Grace and Trinity made me hungry.

My list is short. But on to more important things.

Grace and Paint brought it up again, questioning why I stay away, why I live away from the wolves. I'm not the only one. Daine lives away, now and then. Patrick and Colleen aren't on Pack lands. But they are closer, more likely to be in the Mansion and the apartments than I am, though the distance is not that far. What could I say? That this was Dom's wish? No. That I've let go of Dom and his control and hold only fond memories now, but it is still home? Mine, because it is in My name, paid for by My money, decorated, cleaned, and messed up again by My hand. Maybe I do need to move out, get closer. But it is unnatural for wolves to be this close. In New York, it would never have been the way the alphas kept the pack. One incident and most of the thread of leadership would go. Zane, Scott, Elissa, Nahele, Morgan. Maybe not Daine and David. Not to mention a huge chunk of the unranked alphas and betas. It's a scary thought. What is scariest is that I've watched most of these people grow up.

Maybe that's part of why, because I don't want to see them hurt. Every time I think about it, it upsets my wolf, pacing, stalking, snarling. Her anger is my anger, and my control's been worn thin several times in the last few months. I have to get physical again, work it off. Spar. Fight. I can't swim or run it off. Weights aren't the same. It doesn't have the right feel anymore. Maybe I'll ask Kira or Jayne for a match. Maybe if I get skin under my hands, bloody my knuckles, or something. Whatever it is, I have to do it soon.. for my own reasons. I'm thinking of challenging Damon for top beta. Unranked. Morgan's Hati, and he doesn't count. I want it, and I'm going to take it. It's only a matter of time. I've studied Damon, just like I've studied Jonas, how I studied Wilhelm, the alpha in New York, how I studied many more. To challenge, I would have to go over Louisa. I like her, but she's been a wolf much longer than I have, and I haven't been able to study her. I don't know what she will do, but I know I am stronger than she is, more powerful. I want this. I've never had to challenge here before. Now, it feels as if I have to hurry to do so, too secure my place before something happens. I don't know what, but I have a feeling it will. Maybe it's just all the challenges of late, maybe it was the thing with Daine and Zane. Maybe it was that I need to prove to myself that I am in a position, a mindset, that I can protect people. Maybe it was everything, and Peter's being an asshole brought it to a head. I don't know, but I'm going to do this.. soon. I have to.

I spoke with Daine yesterday in the Penthouse, told her some things I have been thinking about for a while and thought she should know. She got scared that she had done something wrong. Really scared, until I let her know that I love her, always have. I'll be there for her. That I wanted her happy, begged her to tell me. She was.. confused. She felt weak and didn't see the strong person I know her to be. Worried about the others and what they think, how they see her. So I told her what I saw. She was a little happier. Even got her to smile some. Suppose I always was good at providing a pep talk.. or a distraction.

We talked a little about Zane and their relationship. It appears to be between Brooke, Brigid, and Daine. Brooke went back to New York, so it's Brigid and Daine. Brigid.. she's young. I don't know her so very much, but I like her. I can't get a fix on how she might possibly handle the pressure. Or how she is with Zane. At least I know there is some kind of feeling between Zane and Daine. Zane Hein and Daine Wynes. Sounds corny. But she loves him. She's young, too, but not so much. Young in wolf, younger in her alpha power. I'm biased toward Daine, though. I love her. I've watched her grow. Tried to keep her out of trouble.. haven't been successful all the time.

If there are others vying for his love and the position, I don't know who. Grace.. doesn't want Lupa, I don't think. She has her Paint, and they are close. But she still loves Zane, I know. There are many of them that do. Scott does, I think, but we really don't speak. No one said that Lupa had to be female. It's the Ulfric's mate.

I woke up this morning and looked out my window. The light was wonderful and warm against my skin, the view even more so. Sunrise. Many people watch the sunrise, puzzle over what the day will bring. Looked down, saw Jonas coming down the street to get me up, most likely to crash on me for breakfast. He's been doing that a lot lately. Keeping close to me, outside usual bodyguarding in public. He's been helping me train. And I'm thankful for it.

I looked pictures from my nightstand drawer.. from the Crab Shack fiasco, Zane, Daine, and the others covered in cake and water, laughing and having fun. Even Jolene's laughing in them. It seems so long ago. Then I thought about things now.. what fiascos have sprung up where people didn't laugh. I feel weak because I cannot stop it. I don't like this feeling at all. I could try harder. Have to, need to find something to do, to do so.

I'm a beta contact, as I said. I made the mistake of letting Jonas go through my mythology books. Norse. He fixated on Gna and looked it up on the computer. Listed by Snorri Sturluson as one of the divine goddesses but appears only to be a handmaiden and messenger of Frigg who sends her on errands. She has a swift horse named Hofvarpnir, "Hoof-thrower", which can run in the air and over water. Do I look like an errand-girl? Don't answer that. Now I can't get him to stop calling me Gina. Gina, Gina, Gina. It's been going on since the Lupanar. At least say it right, man! Damn.

Sat, 18 Mar 2006 04:30:41 GMT

I would have had to have left the journal on my laptop. And I would have had to have left the laptop at home. Either way, there was little time to use it anyway. I spent the flight reading over the changes that the director wants to make in the script. Nothing major but tedious. Didn't take long to memorize, especially since I left Jonas at home so he wouldn't pester me.

Touched down in New York about mid morning and went to see the Ulfric and his Lupa. She loved the earrings I brought along for her, pearls to go with her favorite necklace. He was very glad about the new digital camera I brought for him. Apparently his had been misplaced after his gal caught him scoping out the girls at the lupanar. So I was laughingly told. They provided me with a bodyguard for the duration of my trip, a big alpha named Wilhelm. I've known him since I was infected, since he was a buddy of Dominic. Used to be his bodyguard, too. Husky, hot, and with a good sense of humor. I love this Ulfric. He knew that by giving me this guy, he'd see that I was kept in good spirits.

Wilhelm and I went to find Terrance, my costar and the one that helps me with running lines, and chatted over lunch. Long story short, I persuaded him to come back with me earlier than he had planned, since he was supposed to come to San Francisco two weeks from now. Director had asked me to see what I could do, since Terrance usually listens to me anyway. I was coming anyway, so it wasn't out of my way. Saved the director a trip. Left there and went to see the designer about Thursday's fashion show and had dinner with him. Oh, my God, his designs! I could have kissed him. They were absolutely delicious. His new line is just what the fashion world needs. Must have him design something especially for me.

From there, it was to Dom's place.. my place to get settled, since it'd been kept like it was when I left. His scent still lingered, in his clothes, his study. I should have changed things a while ago, but I needed to be there then, with his things around me. It was the anniversary of his death. I skulked through the house for a while, thinking. Remembering. Almost destroyed me, so I destroyed a few things, instead. I hated that vase anyway. Wil cleaned things up and curled up with me for the night. Familiar surroundings were good, especially since they're uncomplicated with everything that is going on at home.

Next morning, Thursday. Wil and I went to the designer's studio to get fitted for that night's costumes. So much material, lush, sheer, soft. You name it. Only mishap was getting poked by a pin by the fitter. Thankfully, I held my temper, with only minimal help from Wilhelm. Lunch, then back to do a dry run of the night's performance. New runway, newer models. For many of them, it was the first time. Wasn't so bad. That night went off without a hitch. Well, without too many. So much excitement backstage with people rushing around, getting dressed, searching for shoes, doing hair, doing makeup, rushing to hit cues. One girl broke a heel and got yelled at by the designer. Tsk. Could have told her to pick up her feet, but she was being a bitch about this being her first time. All the new girls hated her. Just like home. Photographers topped it all off, shooting us as we prowled down the catwalk. Mm, I love modeling. Especially where I'm the highlight of the show. Of course, dinner with the designer wasn't bad either.

They gave me several days, so I took Friday morning to finish up a few arrangements. Got Wilhelm to keep an eye on the shipping of my motorcycle to San Francisco before going to do a little shopping. Well, not a little. A lot. I had a few things to -get- before I got on that plane. Said good-bye and left on that jet plane.

Jonas just brought me back through all that airport crap. So now I'm writing this. Darling, ain't it. Ain't it though. Think I'm going to make some hot tea and go to bed early. I'm so tired. Maybe I'll go see what's up with the furballs later. Maybe I'll sleep late. God, that sounds heavenly right now.

Tue, 07 Mar 2006 00:04:05 GMT

Three weeks and three days without a word. Terrance went over on my behalf, since I can't go myself. What did he find? Nothing. And I find a message on my phone after that. From Selena. She was on a vacation. A bloody, fucking vacation. Sure, she's allowed, but without giving me a headsup?

Cool it, chica. You're getting wound up again. I am. I really am. I'm doing it too easily lately. I don't even trust myself with my friends. Lately, I'm just doing what I have to and getting out of the spotlight. But since I'm so eager to leave, I'm starting to mess up. And we have to retake lines, again and again, which pisses me off more. So annoyed. It's a damned and bloody cycle. I growled at Jonas more than enough times. I threw things in my dressing room, yelled, screamed. Jonas had to shake me to get me under control, subdued. I even walked out of a scene, off the damn set.

Next week. Next Wednesday. The fifteeth. It's too close now. Much too close. It's after the full moon. Just after. Maybe I can slip away the morning after. Be a long way away by then. Just a few days. No one would notice.. Yes, they would. But I can fix that easily enough, just with a call to Colleen or something. Have Jonas field for me. .. I don't care at this point. I just need to get away.

What was it Spurinna said?

Beware the Ides of March.

Of course. How could I forget. Dominic loved Julius Caesar. Stop it!

I need a drink.

Thu, 02 Mar 2006 23:31:33 GMT

Where the hell is that little witch? Past three weeks. That's it. I'm going to have to get Terrance to get his lazy ass out of that studio and across the City to check up on her. I don't care what he says.

In other news.. Well, there doesn't seem to be much news that I remember, actually. I've been extremely busy with the movie and all.. Which we should be done with soon. We're shooting, now. Have been, for a while. I'm.. I'm.. God, what do I mean? I'm nervous and.. No, I'm not nervous at this point. That's later. I'm.. excited about how it will turn out, I suppose.

Need to check up on Desdemona, since Grace's still gone with Paint. Need to check in with the others, too, just to say 'Yo, I'm here'. Be social. Huh, what means this?

Oh. And I still want my motorcycle!

<td align="center" style="background: #000000; color: #FFFFFF;">Marakaraka's Random Movie Quote:

'Vote for me, and all your wildest dreams will come true.'

- Pedro, Napoleon Dynamite

Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com</td>

Fitting for me, I do think.

Fri, 24 Feb 2006 22:01:24 GMT

Coming up on three weeks since I've heard from Selena. She's still not answering her phone. Or her email. I would have Terrance go check on her, but they don't know each other, and I really want to go and see what's up with her myself.

Agent's talking about taking a few days break from the movie to go to Milan for a show in a few weeks. Georgio Armani or Guess or something. Spring line. It would be good to get out of the city, for a while. The country, too, for that matter. I have friends I haven't seen in months over there. But there's all the hassle of getting clearance and junk, though I know the pack over there and in a few more cities, from all my travels. Dom saw to that.

Dom, Dom, Dom! I can't get him out of my head lately. .. It'll be almost a year since the crash, next month. I'm probably not going to be able to drive. I can tell it's not going to be pretty. It's already started. How many dishes have I broken over it? Too many to count. That and paperweights and vases and all. I really need to see Grandfather. He can take my mind off of Dominic with his stories and his voice. I love his voice. That reminds me, I need to track down Trinity.

I haven't been social. The last time I've seen a pack member was the last time I crashed the apartments and got the rundown of politics from Zane. I called Grace a while ago to try to set something up socially, but I slacked off, working on the movie. We'll see. Paint and Grace should be gone by now, that much I do know. Desdemona.. she's a pup. I should check up on her. I don't know what will happen with her, since they screwed her up so badly. Thank God Dom didn't mess me up that much. Just screwed with my head a little and toughened me up, I suppose. That was what he would say. I do miss him.

Stop rambling, Mara! Okay, I'm not. I don't miss him. I'm here, really. Here. Not there. ..I need a swim. I really, really do. Get my mind off of things. Maybe I can crash the apartments again. No, the mansion. It's usually quiet there, with most everyone elsewhere. I need a workout without any distractions. Maybe Jonas is free to help me. I need to just.. move. Now.

Yes.. right now.

Mon, 20 Feb 2006 03:18:01 GMT

Yeah, I'm lax in keeping my journal. So sue me. Besides, not much has happened since last time. Not that I can remember at the moment at least.

Movie goes well. Relearning stunts and going over lines are tedious, but it has to be done. Damn, the harnesses hurt. I still have bruises. Terrance calls me daily and we go back and forth. I train with Jonas when I'm not with the others, and when I'm not talking to the director.

Even worked a little with Zane the other day, just improvising, and he's not that bad at acting. Makes a girl wonder what he's been up to. Talked the next day, about the city. Something to think about.

My agent still calls at three in the morning. Haven't broken him of it.

Everything's okay, but there's so much of it.

New York, New York, New York. Why should I take a few days for myself?

1. Terrance is in New York. I really, really need to get him to come to the city. I am getting tired of the webcam.
2. Selena is in New York. I haven't talked to her in two weeks, and I need to know some things about Dom's estate. Mine now, really. And other things that the papers don't cover.
3. I want my motorcycle!
4. If I go there, I can always sweep by Los Angeles to see my parents, which I really need to do, since I haven't seen them in a few months. Webcams, again, do not always make for warm exchanges.

Morgan says I work far too hard. But I have to.

Dropped in on the Mansion and found Desdemona today. We talked a little and she said she wasn't getting the wolf thing. Gave her my number and an offer to talk, if she wanted to. She's a nice enough girl, from what little I've seen. Got twitchy when Jonas came in with me as a wolf, until I had to send him out, but that's understandable. Morgan came in with sweets, and it was on. He had the gall to challenge me too, so I don't know what's to come of it.

Wed, 07 Dec 2005 14:04:33 GMT

What Will marakaraka Get ?

Xmas pressie predictor
Big wooly jumper knitted by	blessed_trinity
Pair of Socks from	rotting_jazz
Bottle of Whiskey from	morganconnor
Cd from	alpha_scott
Something Cuddly from	edenbartholomew
Something Intoxicating from	grace_winslow
Something Silly from	jared_wolf
Something Funny from	shochang
Lump of coal from	gabriel_covas
Something Pretty from	orikes13
Something Shiny from	shefightscrime
Something Naughty from	faithwinslow
Something Smelly from	wickedtrouble
Something Breakable from	lucas_wolf
Something Useful from	kilmeny_moore
Something not useful from	sethpierson
The Black and Decker Tool Kit from	zanehein
Livejournal account from	madiwolf
The Make-up Bag from	leewindriver
Stack of DVDs from	grace_winslow
Something Geeky from	wickedtrouble

Morgan and Grace are trying to get me drunk! Something naughty and a Black and Decker Tool Kit? Hm. :D I'm sensing a new theme for a magazine spread.

Tue, 06 Dec 2005 19:56:49 GMT

Current hitlist:

1. Jared - Graaaah!
2. Drew - I'm going to skin you alive, chico.
3. Zane - Ice. Down my clothes, once again!
4. Daine - Tease me one more time, baby. Dare you.
5. Morgan - Not helping.
6. Merideth - Not helping, either!
7. Paint - I will get that hat, buster.

Current To-Do List:

1. Plot Jared's demise.
2. Take Daine and Brigid out for shopping and lunch. My treat.
3. Check out things with Selena in New York on the search for Photo-boy.
4. Go Christmas shopping.
5. Prank Jared and Merideth before Jared's demise.
6. Call Terrance in New York to try to read lines for this movie again via webcam. People keep interrupting us!
7. Fire Jonas. He keeps grabbing my ass.
8. Get my tree up.
9. Buy a tree first.
10. See about buying a pet. I want a puppy! Or kitten. Or both.
11. Wrap presents.
12. Don't fire Jonas. He keeps grabbing my ass. But he's good at guarding it.
13. Plan something to do, packwise. Maybe I'll drag Daine or Grace out with ideas. I'm in a party mood lately.
14. Sleep more than three hours.
15. Get back into training.
16. Visit Grandfather. Hunting trip? Note, make more arrows. Means going camping!
17. Find hiking boots.
18. Find bone-white flute.
19. Carve another for a friend.
20. Prank Zane.

Dear Santa...

Dear Santa,

This year I've been busy!

Last Tuesday I saved a busload of nuns in Angola (326 points). Last Wednesday I donated bone marrow to shochang in a life-saving procedure (300 points). In June I didn't flush (-1 points). In September I turned jared_wolf in for spitting (3 points). Last Monday I gave zanehein a Dutch Oven (-10 points).

Overall, I've been nice (618 points). For Christmas I deserve a new dolly!

Sincerely,
marakaraka

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 03:21:46 GMT

God, I love this. The utter exhaustion after a full day of being fussed over by makeup and hair people, designers, and photographers. Or full day -and- night. It's a good work out, in body, mind, and control. Body - putting up with the primping and preening, being very still for so long through it, being posed as they like, no matter the time. Conveying the attitude I'm so known for. Mind - keeping a good attitude when they get too pushy. Control - not biting the heads off of people who get me past that good attitude. Figuratively, really. Okay, and literally, too. But I've been good so far! After that, all I want to do is get something to eat, a hot shower, and then drop into bed. It's one of the only times I can actually get a good night's sleep, without having to worry about my agent's nightly call.

Like I'd actually hear it, anyway. And he's the one that gets huffy like wet bird when I don't answer him. How unreasonable is that? Isn't it supposed to be me that has a tantrum? I haven't had a good one since before Zane came for a visit the time before last. That was an interesting meeting, though he didn't give in when I mentioned he was eating the cat's tongues. I spent a lot of time chasing those cats with the butcher knife!

Speaking of animals.. one of my darling photographer friends has a litter of puppies, and she's offered me the pick of the litter. They're -so- cute. Poodles, too. How stereotypical is this? There are two black ones that I've fallen in love with. But do I take them? I want to. I really do, but would my situation put them out of sorts? They'd probably take my place and rip it to shreds, not to mention terrorizing whoever comes over. Maybe I should get a cat instead. .. Mm, speaking of cats, again.. No, I'm not mentioning that detail here. It would probably not be good, if someone read this. Though it is.. so good right now.

Where was I? Oh. That brings my to photographers again. I'm constantly coming back to them, it seems. These two guys doing this spread.. are great. I get a little say, but I already mentioned it. And boy, do I mean spread. We finished today, tweaking and reshooting, fixing and deciding what's what. When do the magazines go out? Tonight? Probably in the morning? I need to get hold of the editor or someone. Though I probably don't want a copy this time. I'll get enough odd looks as it is.

Daine, Morgan, and Stephano are still gone. Hope they're having fun, but I miss my friends.

And lastly.. Nahele's test was tonight. He passed, though he'll be pissed when he sees the pictures. Jared better make copies. It was fuckin' hilarious.

And.. I'm quizzing again. What's with me lately?

How to make a Marakaraka

Ingredients:

5 parts intelligence

3 parts silliness

5 parts beauty

Method:
Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add a little emotion if desired!

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

How to make a Mara

Ingredients:

3 parts competetiveness

3 parts brilliance

3 parts leadership

Method:
Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little cocktail umbrella and a dash of curiosity

Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

So true.

Wed, 16 Nov 2005 00:10:31 GMT

(Mara found one of these quizzes while searching the web and did it for fun. No one'd see it, though, unless they got into her computer, but with her security, it's unlikely.)

( ) smoked for about six years - Don't smoke.
( ) made out with a member of the same sex - Might have to, with this movie.
(X) crashed a friend's car - We ran into a ditch. I died laughing. He couldn't help it.. I was being distracting.
( ) stolen a car
(X) skipped school - I had better things to do, like have some fun!
(X) slept with a co-worker - Dom, I used to adore you.
(X) slept with more than 15 people - No sex.
(X) been called a slut - Then a frigid bitch. Thanks, Dom.
( ) had a one night stand - Not quite. It went on after that.
(X) slept with someone you don't even know their name - No sex.
(X) seen someone die - No comment.
( ) shoplifted - Got things for free? Yup.
( ) been fired - Nope!
(X) been in a fist fight - Bitch cheated and brought a chain to a fistfight. Hospital stay. For her.
(X) snuck out of your parent's house - Um, who didn't?
(X) snuck out of someone else's house - Dom.
(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) been arrested - Almost. Talked my way out of it. Besides, Daddy's in good with the Chief of Police in LA.
(X) gone on a blind date - That went over well.
(X) had a crush on a teacher - Mm, he wore those tight pants just to get under my skin..
(X) been to Canada - To the Zoo!
(X) been to Mexico
(X) been on a plane - I should have my own, I do it so much.
( ) thrown up in a bar
( ) purposely set a part of yourself on fire - Considered it, thanks to Dom.
(X) eaten Sushi
( ) been snowboarding - Want to!
( ) been moshing at a concert -
(X) taken painkillers
(X) love someone or miss someone right now - Yes.
(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by - Mhm.
(X) questioned your heart - Every once in a while.
(X) been obsessed with post-it notes - Dom took away my post-it privileges, but then, I did it to get back at him.
(X) squished barefoot through the mud - And bare hands. Never do a handstand in the mud. On a hill. In the rain.
(X) been lost - Hey, I was drunk.
(X) been to the opposite side of the country - Lived there!
(X) swam in the ocean - You grow up on the coast, what do you expect?
(X) felt like dying - Been there.
(X) cried yourself to sleep - No comment.
(X) played cops and robbers - Never got caught.
(X) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers - I colored with my baby cousin. She's so -cute-. She made me a horsey card.
(X) sang karaoke - Need to see what's up with that.
(X) paid for a meal with only coins - Starbucks. He loves me though.
(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't - Constantly.
(X) made prank phone calls
( ) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue - Yummy.
(X) danced in the rain - Naked.
(X) written a letter to Santa Claus - Santa baby..
(X) been kissed under a mistletoe - It was a good night.
(X) watched the sunrise with someone you care about
(X) blown bubbles
(X) made a bonfire on the beach - Private beach, bunch of friends, bunch of booze..
(X) crashed a party - Usually do.
(X) gone roller skating - Need to find those..
(X) had a wish come true - I'm where I want to be.
( ) humped a monkey - Um.. no.
(X) worn pearls - And nothing but..
(X) jumped off a bridge - Does driven off one count? I dived.
(X) screamed penis in class - Biology class. I got ten points. Hey, he asked.
( ) ate dog/cat food - Nope.
(X) told a complete stranger you loved them - When I get coffee in the morning. The coffee guy is always smiling.
(X) kissed a mirror - With my reflection? Hell, yes. .. I'm so vain.
(X) sang in the shower - Every once in a while.
(X) had a little black dress - Several.
(X) had a dream that you married someone - Dom. It was scary. He ate the preacher.
(X) glued your hand to something - Both hands. At once. Tequila was involved. Don't ask.
( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole - I'm not sticking my tongue to a flag pole.
( ) kissed a fish
(X) worn the opposite sexes clothes - Dom's shirt, when I don't feel up to being flashy.
(X) been a cheerleader - At least I wasn't the captain.
(X) sat on a roof top - Often as I can.
(X) screamed at the top of your lungs - Got me that brat-bitch rep.
(X) done a one-handed cartwheel - Two, one, none..
(X) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours - Interesting conversation..
(X) stayed up all night - Most nights.
( ) didn't take a shower for a week - .. Ew.
(X) picked and ate an apple - Red! No, green! Oh, I'm an apple, bite me!
(X) climbed a tree - Every morning, if I can.
(X) had a tree house - Yep.
(X) have been scared to watch scary movies alone - Not really scared. Just a little paranoid.
(X) believed in ghosts - You live in this society and tell me there aren't.
(X) have had more then 30 pairs of shoes - Hello. Model. Yes. I love my shoes.
( ) had sex with two people at once - No comment.
( ) gone streaking - Um, no.
(X) played ding-dong-ditch - Got caught after the fifth time. Got kissed for my trouble.
(X) been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on - Water. White shirt. Do. Not. Mix.
(X) broken a bone - Fell out of a tree. Healed well, don't you think?
(X) been easily amused - Hehe, that's funny.
(X) caught a fish then ate it - I hate the bones.
(X) caught a butterfly - Let it fly away.
(X) laughed so hard you cried -
(X) cried so hard you laughed - Yup.
(X) mooned/flashed someone - Flashed. Bewbs for everyone!
(X) had someone moon/flash you - Not a pretty sight. His ass was all hairy. I was blind for a half an hour.
(X) cheated on a test - Does helping someone cheat count?
(X) had a Britney Spears CD - I was young and stupid. Honey. Get some shoes.
(X) forgotten someone's name - Who're you again?
(X) slept naked - You can bet your boots on that.
(X) French braided someone's hair - They're the best for playing sports. Besides, I'm hot in braids. XD
(X) gone skinny dipping - Um. No comment.
(X) been cheated on. He was a dickhead. Hey, we were thirteen at the time.
(X) been drunk more than 4 times
(X) been drunk more than 6 times
( ) been married - Nope. Not that far.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 15:31:37 GMT

Called Selena. The search for Jean Dubois is still on. They take murder seriously in New York. I knew as much, before I called. There was an article about him in the Times. I had her read it to me. Just gave a description of that sniveling Frenchman and told about a few of his 'horrendous acts'. Used his trade as a photographer to lure the girls into his clutches before he used them and discarded them in the trash. Figuratively speaking. Nothing new.

Spent some time with Morgan, who had left a rose and a necklace on my pillow while I slept and then thought he could sneak back in before I woke up. The necklace was beautiful, straight from his heart. But then he mentioned he had another surprise. He wouldn't tell, since he didn't want to ruin the surprise. After a little .. gentle persuasion, he fessed up that it involved a third party. Immediately cornered him about Daine, since he mentioned beforehand she might be dropping by.

She didn't, but we did see her and Stephano at the re-opening of the Pure Pleasure. I wore the red. The string-thing. Yes, you know the one. That one. He was near drooling and threatened to get his weapons to fend off the fella's. Besides, the likelihood of that happening? I mean, come on, man. I'm not that hot. Model, yes. Attitude's a put-off to some. Ha. Anyway, we almost didn't leave. ;) But we did, when I dragged him out. I wanted to have a little fun.

The Pure Pleasure was a grand little affair. The music was awesome, the company great. I even saw Sho with his family of felines. A wave exchanged, but we stuck with our own company. Then the air got a little .. funny. Pulling at my power, almost. It wasn't strong enough to do any damage, but the earthquake that came right after it did. Part of the roof collapsed, and Stephano made Morgan hustle Daine and me out of there, but not before I saw Sho across at one of the doors. The taste to his power was back, that.. wrong taste. It hasn't been there when I've been around him, or at least it's been hidden well. I got it out of Morgan later that he's blocked one of the doors and was freaking people out until someone throated him. Throated? I doubt it. Maybe he meant that the woman - I'm assuming is their leader - did what she had to to get him out of there, since it looked like some of their party were new to the feeling. Cubs. No, that's not right. What would they be called? Kittens? That's a little obvious.

We got out of there, only to be dragged off by Jonas who was late in coming to se the show. I found out Stephano was caught in the rubble while he was trying to help dig people out, and Daine stayed with him after he was healed. The next night, I went to drop in on Daine, so we could have a little girl talk. Well, more a Sponsor lecturing her cub than anything else. Morgan was there, getting chewed out on the phone by Zane about some little fact that he didn't mention to Papa before he had done. Something that could have been seen as a challenge to the leadership. He hung up, so we chatted and and calmed him down when he worried about not being allowed into the family.

I hustled Daine into the kitchen to have our little talk, and Morgan stepped out to let us talk. Zane'd come to see me to speak about her, and wanted me to talk to her about her Eros training and how she wasn't doing it as she was supposed to, not having her Alpha there. One thing led to another, and she agreed to not do it again and was near tears when I got through with her, though I handled it gently. I don't think I could have done it any other way, given her situation. It'll take time for her to heal from her ordeal. God knows I care for her. I don't want to see her hurt anymore.

I have.. so many scripts to read through. They sent me another action.. Stereotypical love interest of the main Rambo-ish character? Tempting. Not. Quite right. I think. Romantic comedies.. A down-on-her-luck movie extra waiting to hit it big but might have to give it up when she finds love in the Bronx? The songwriter who's lost her sight but learns to sculpt and falls in love with her model? I think I need to check out the movie scenes to see what's hot. Maybe I can wrangle some ideas out of Daine. Or Jolene. I do need to talk to her.

Speaking of hot.. These photographers I'm working with now are .. so great. I've known them for years. Not only are they hot, but they're not considering me a clothes hanger. They're even letting me have a little hand in the ideas. I love my agent for that part. This shoot should be fun, and the edition.. thay should raise a few eyebrows. I can't wait.

Which reminds me, I need to get my film developed from the Halloween party. Those pictures will be great blackmail on Jared. And a few more of those friends of mine.

Oh, there's my agent. Need to get over to the studio.

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 23:32:44 GMT

The fire at the gunshop.. Oh, God, was it Sho? They said it could be, but I just saw him a few days ago. Couldn't have been. Could it? I don't think I'm ready to believe that. He's my friend. Outside of the .. family, the best one I have, now that I think about it. Know what that means. You need to get out more, Mara. Stop being such a bitch and loosen up. Ha. Technically, I am a bitch, whether I loosen up or not.

My agent and I were going for food, when all that happened. A guy was staring at the fire after they'd said to get back. What did I do? Went after him, of course. He threw some punches and got me pretty good. Hurt like hell. They got him off into a police car, finally. But then there were two little girls that were without their parents. Couldn't find them. I took them home with me. What else could I do? Then they were following me around like moon-eyed puppies. Thank God the moon's over with. I refuse to think of what would have happened if..

I went to the hospital to check on the man the next day. He wasn't happy to see me. Said I was doing charity work and tried to finish what he started the night before. Bruised my jaw again before the orderly could restrain him. Not much I could do for it.

And I would have to have gone to the apartments to see Daine. I needed to speak to her, but the alphas were there. Nahele seems to have gotten a job dancing, from what I heard. That's awesome for him, but he needs to work on controlling his wolf, especially since he's going to be a cub in a big company.

But as I said, the alphas were there. Zane, Scott, Grace -- Jared showed up later. I was wearing Dom's shirt, since I wasn't feeling spiffy enough to be the beautiful model known as Marakaraka Kala. I was just Mara, regular chick. They scented Dom on it, and Zane went big wolfy on me. Demanded to know what's up. Then and tell a little, or later and tell all. I could tell he was wondering about my back. Shifter bites and all. Grace knew who else I smelled like, but that was different. I couldn't do it then. I had to find the girls' mother. They were calling me, besides. Scott saved me, though I know he didn't believe me. Some kind of vampire class or something. Dodged a bullet there, though I think I looked a little too relieved. Meri came in growling, so I bowed out, under the promise I meet Zane this afternoon.

I should have just called Daine. I'll talk to her later.

I'm so tired. I just want to unplug the phone and curl up. Sleep for days. But no. I have to work. My agent's still calling me at two in the morning to see if I'm all right and in bed yet. How can I be if he's calling? Sure, I'm usually up and about and on the way home from a club or some shit, but I really don't need his yapping right now.

Screw it. I'm going to sleep anyway.

Thu, 15 Sep 2005 23:32:18 GMT

Computer crashed again after I let one of the younger betas use it for school. Need to call Lara to see what I can do about getting to back up.

This photographer that I'm 'seeing' right now, he's starting to grate on my nerves. Dinner, clubbing. I'm this close Maybe I should just let David take a bite out of him after all and reputation be damned. Hell, I'm about ready to do it myself. There wouldn't be a body. No evidence. Could say he skipped town.

No, that won't do. Have to keep him happy, just for a little while longer. Build his confidence. False sense of security and all that.

Dinner, night cap. Let him think he can seduce me. Seduce the Ice Queen. The hell. He'll be patting himself on the back. Maybe I can make it easier for him by ripping off his arm. .. Easy, girl. .. Then I'll lift the film. He'll never know. He's clinging too much to think I would dare try it. Just wait. I'll get you yet, you arrogant fucker.

Tue, 23 Aug 2005 21:07:12 GMT

I got a laptop that screwed up and distroyed my entries. Called Lara to see if she could fix it. She did, of course. Gotta love having a computer geek in the 'family'. She calls me at seven in the morning, all jovial and proud. "It's fixed!" Right, fine. I rolled over and went back to sleep. What? I'd only gotten to bed a few hours before. Note to self, take her to lunch in thanks. Why a laptop? I lost my journal in the midst of a pique.

A pique. A fit of anger. .. Must replace the vase on the table. And the stupid glass paperweight. Yes, I am capable of emotion. Amongst humans, my agent, photographers, reporters, I am Marakaraka Kala, She of the Speckled Eyes. In public, I am human, I am beautiful, popular, graceful, confident, aggressive, and I know it. I am tempermental, and sure as hell not as submissive as a mealy-mouthed, little mouse. I hate being seen as subdued, quiet, and unassuming. I'm gentle and caring, hard and sharp. I love to laugh, not to sit and sulk while things go on in front of me without me having a finger in it. I've been selected as one of America's most beautiful since I got into the business.

In public. Only. In private, I can be this way, too, but of late it seems I've extracted myself from the world. I used to jetset everywhere, frequent clubs, see and be seen. It's been almost a month. I still get the whole magazine things constantly, but someone called me an Ice Queen last night.

Ice Queen. Haughty, cold, distant. How apt. I'm as captivating as a fucking piece of furnature of late. Shallow. Pretty but nothing behind it. Nothing of value, at least. That's the way I fucking feel with the 'family'. I'm Mara. That chick. Everyone's favorite fucking little sister slash annoyance. I hate it. At least I was able to laugh when I came here. Maybe I should go back to New York. It was home there.

No, it wasn't. I'm lying to myself again. It wasn't home, not without Him. Not completely. I can't go back there. Not even when my friends are there. This started with Trinity's punishment. I whipped her, though I didn't want to. It reminded me of my time with Dom. That has to be why I can't think straight. He died. I went cold turkey. Maybe it's withdrawl. But after this long? It's been five months. Damn. Note to self. No ranting about that. I can live without it, definitely. I just have to start.

I need a vacation. Little sun, little sand. Sounds like a day at the beach out here. Or maybe I just need to get laid. God, did I just write that? Yep, I really, really need a vacation.

Night At The Caress

Sat, 07 May 2005 01:20:39 GMT

I did some scouting a couple of hours ago, and I wound up at the Moonlight Caress. Interesting entertainment with a good atmosphere, although it might take more than one single visit to get a particular taste for. Dominic would have adored it. Listen to me talk. I have to stop talking like he's still alive. It's funny. It still feels like he's got a hand on my back now and again. I know he's dead. I saw it happen. I was in the car with him. The other car blindsided us, and we went sailing. I know this is true. I saw the bushes coming toward me just before they caught me, felt the branches as they scraped my skin. The rocks glancing off my arm. I had bruises for a while, but they faded so quickly. Dom never even got a chance to get out of the car before it exploded. Amazing. Even with his power, something as simple as a car crash was what it took..

[Wistfully light as it is with the talk of the man, the script transforms into an energetic scrawl, boldly sprawling across the page.]

Anyway, I was at the Caress, and you wouldn't believe the power radiated there. Vampire and wolf. Some didn't bother to cover up what they were, even though there were humans about. Dominic at least made sure I could tone it down some. One of them was a young wolf, so I can believe why she didn't bother. They knew what I was as soon as I walked in. I'm not surprised. Actually, I'm glad. I didn't need to hide so much.. even if I got that 'look, it's a famous person!' look from a few of them. I'm used to that by now. I don't go around 'hey, I'm a model, adore me!' but I still get the same reaction occassionally.

Oh, and I actually knew someone there. It was Silver, a model that I'd met before, if only in passing. It was at a benefit about a year ago for .. some disease. I can't remember which just now. Either way. He's open about being a wolf. I don't know what would happen if I was linked to lycanthropy. Would it help or hurt my career? There are rumors. I've heard them. Silver mentioned them. I'll deal with that bridge when I come to it, I guess. That younger wolf, Madison, gave me the address I needed. I'm going to see about talking to someone there soon.

First Entry

Fri, 06 May 2005 23:05:31 GMT

So.. here I am. In San Francisco. I got off the plane an hour ago from New York and caught a cab to the address Dominic left me .. just in case. What do I find? An expensive apartment already set up and ready for me to use. I guess he had it for when he traveled or something. Dominic always did say he would take care of me. And I guess he did. Good ol' Dom. He had his .. quirks, and he got carried away sometimes. He was a controlling sonofabitch, and I hated him for it. But I can't really hold it against him. That was just how he was, sometimes, but he was a good guy. He did what he thought was best for me, and it usually was. Gotta love him for that.

[The handwriting slants toward the right slightly, growing darker as talk of Dominic goes on as if Mara pressed down hard with her pen, trying to convince herself of the fact. It lightens back to normal as it continues.]

We had good times, sneaking away from the press for weekends in a cabin he kept upstate and just kicking back on a rare day off from the cameras. He taught me a good deal. I guess it was because he was my sponser, but he was good to me when he was alive. I guess you could call ours a love/hate relationship. He made sure I could survive in the fashion world like I am, but I doubt I can hide what I've become for long. Dominic said I was strong, but I wasn't quite strong enough to be called an alpha. That doesn't bother me much. All I want to do it continue my career. And maybe fit in. I wish Dominic was here. He always took care of things better than I could.

[The words take on a shaky appearance as if the hand trembled as it wrote. Then they trail off suddenly as if in momentary disbelief at what was just written. Continuing, the handwriting becomes light again, casual.]

.. I think I might be more worn out than I thought. I know I'll be jetlagged later. Maybe I'll take a nap or something now to take the edge off. I have to get a lay of the land tonight before I try to find any of these new people I'm supposed to contact. All Dom could give me in his letter were the names of the Lupa and Ulfric. No addresses, no phone numbers. A few of my New York 'mates and the Ulfric that gave me my letter for when I got here confirmed it from what they'd heard, but they didn't have the address handy. I guess I'll find out. I'll have to hoof it and see what I can dig up. Figuratively speaking, of course.